I realized this weekend that my wedding anniversary is weeks away. This put me into a bit of a funk. I am sad about the apparent loss of what 'should' have been. Not what I had, not what I wanted, what 'should' have been. What I deserved. Not that I think my life should have been perfect and carefree. I am well aware that I was never promised an easy life. I do wonder if I had done things differently, made different choices, would my life have been what it was really meant to be? Did my choices change God's intended direction of my life? Probably. But I remind myself that God takes all things and makes them for good(my paraphrase). So it's useless to waste my time wondering 'what if?'.
Right now I guess I am in a state of limbo. Although I feel more stable centered than I have in a long time. There is movement in my life, I am making my way. Correction: God is making my way. It is obvious that He has orchestrated recent developments in my life- where I live, where I work. The only thing I am sure of for my life right now is that this is my time to heal, to allow God to work in me and mold me to be the woman he made me to be.
On one hand, I look into the future and see endless opportunity for myself, in every aspect of my life. That is exciting! On the other hand, it seems an empty tunnel that I need to fill up with a life worthy of God. That's daunting! The uncertainty of my future is scary and sad. My hope lies in my faith that, if I respond and allow it, God will do an awesome work in me!
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