January has been an interesting month! I've slept in 4 different beds over the course of the month! Boy, do I get around! I am forever grateful to have so many beds available to me. It's tough dealing with a feeling of not knowing where home is. I guess I should frame it as having many homes. I guess I've always been a glass half empty kind of girl so it's difficult to change my perspective to a 'half full' one.
Answered prayers. They are all around me. I've had many of my own. So why am I still so impatient to have more answered? I know that everything happens in God's time. Why can't I make what I know in my head connect to my heart? Its like standing behind a line and it's as simple as stepping over it to get all the wonderful blessings that are being promised but for some reason I can't seem to take that step. Where is the resistance coming from?
Forgive me for my unbelief.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
Transparency, Anyone?
God is all around me. He is showering me with His love and doing his best to teach me how to accept acceptance. I want so much to be accepted but fear the acceptance I am given is not genuine and will be snatched away at any moment. Am I so far gone? In my head I know my worth. My heart is a different story. How, exactly, did I end up here?
Satan feeds me lies all day long. Some days I eat them up and reap the 'rewards'. Other times I'm able to fight back with God's own Words. Victory! I was able to do that earlier today and it felt great.
I am in awe of God when I listen to my son's breathing while he sleeps. The perfect rhythm punctuated by snores. Our current living situation affords me the opportunity to sleep with him and I treasure that. I don't sleep worth a fig, but I love being so close to him for such an extended period of time(especially since he's being such a good boy-no talking back or whining). I hope I never forget the innocence of his face or the sound of his breathing.
I am broken. I don't believe a day has gone by in the last 2 weeks that I haven't broken down crying. I cry out to God to stop the pain- wait! no! Use the pain to mold me, if this is your way of refining me, bring on the pain, deeper still if its necessary to cut out the sin in my heart. I trust your will and know that your glory is on the other side of the valley in which I'm currently residing.
Satan feeds me lies all day long. Some days I eat them up and reap the 'rewards'. Other times I'm able to fight back with God's own Words. Victory! I was able to do that earlier today and it felt great.
I am in awe of God when I listen to my son's breathing while he sleeps. The perfect rhythm punctuated by snores. Our current living situation affords me the opportunity to sleep with him and I treasure that. I don't sleep worth a fig, but I love being so close to him for such an extended period of time(especially since he's being such a good boy-no talking back or whining). I hope I never forget the innocence of his face or the sound of his breathing.
I am broken. I don't believe a day has gone by in the last 2 weeks that I haven't broken down crying. I cry out to God to stop the pain- wait! no! Use the pain to mold me, if this is your way of refining me, bring on the pain, deeper still if its necessary to cut out the sin in my heart. I trust your will and know that your glory is on the other side of the valley in which I'm currently residing.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)