A State of Confusion

How do I erase all the pain and start over? I want a clean slate. I want the pain, anger, bitterness, hatred, did I mention the PAIN?- gone. Have I truly submitted and humbled myself enough? How hard am I willing to fight for my life? How much am I willing to sacrifice?

How Do You 'Take' Quiet Time?

Sometimes I wish I were a pre-schooler. Quiet time is a requirement. I run around all day doing, doing, doing. My mind is like one of those tape things at the bottom of the screen on CNN or MSNBC. Constant information running over and over. I try to stop it and sometimes I'm able to for a few minutes. But inevitably, it roars back to life. I stop to pray and usually end up on a mind tangent. Then I realize I was praying. Well, thats rude. I mean, I get so irritated when people are talking to me and then just stop and start rambling about something else to themselves or someone else. Usually, if I get a chance to sit and reflect I end up falling asleep because I'm so freaking tired. I fall asleep praying quite often. Years ago I used to do that purposely because I didn't want to break the 'connection' I felt it gave me to God. Now I do it out of exhaustion.

I'm Not a Very Good Employee

Monday morning. I've been here for an hour. I've done nothing work related. Wait- I did respond to an email. One that really irritated me. One that implied I wasn't aware enough to do my own job. I guess every office has one of these people. The one that seems to have to make him/herself feel important? The one that has to point out his/her connection to the current project and how instrumental he was in bringing in said project even if the only involvement was years ago?

I almost called in sick today. But I would have just had to work at home. I have a million things that need to be done there. Just ask my husband- he has no problem pointing them all out to me like I'm a child.