I Wonder

I wonder what my life will be like 1 year from today. 1 month from today, for that matter! I anticipate what fabulous things God has in store for me. I have had a pretty crazy 2 months. Things are beginning to settle down now and I am getting my perspective back. Or, I should say I'm getting God's perspective back. I always hear people talk about how easy it is to go to God when things are bad and then drift away when they are good. I find the opposite to be true. When things are bad I tend to lose myself in the day to day survival and lose my focus on God. When things are good I am able to maintain my focus.

I have a friend who is in a struggle. She wants to grow her relationship with God, she knows what she needs to do. She is afraid of 'rocking the boat'. She has a good life. Great job, great kids, great husband, great house, etc, etc. I guess that makes it a 'great' life. I didn't use that word purposely though. Without that intimate relationship with God, how great can it be? I don't want to sound righteous but I have a feeling that God hasn't just brought me to this place in my life for me. I think He may have brought us back together geographically so that I can be here for her. If this is the case, I only hope that I will be open to what God intends. Making this life change will indeed rock her boat but the glory in the end is worth it!

Something I heard tonight: Fear feeds the devil, faith feeds God.

My son can read. Coolest. thing. ever.! Everyday he comes home with new knowledge. Who knew talking about the color brown could be so riveting?

Unleashing My Creativity

I painted and crackled my dresser, night stand, and room dividers(using as a headboard). I've painted and waxed a $25 dining table(red!).

hmmm...

I guess that's actually it. But I feel unleashed!

Past, Present, Future

I realized this weekend that my wedding anniversary is weeks away. This put me into a bit of a funk. I am sad about the apparent loss of what 'should' have been. Not what I had, not what I wanted, what 'should' have been. What I deserved. Not that I think my life should have been perfect and carefree. I am well aware that I was never promised an easy life. I do wonder if I had done things differently, made different choices, would my life have been what it was really meant to be? Did my choices change God's intended direction of my life? Probably. But I remind myself that God takes all things and makes them for good(my paraphrase). So it's useless to waste my time wondering 'what if?'.

Right now I guess I am in a state of limbo. Although I feel more stable centered than I have in a long time. There is movement in my life, I am making my way. Correction: God is making my way. It is obvious that He has orchestrated recent developments in my life- where I live, where I work. The only thing I am sure of for my life right now is that this is my time to heal, to allow God to work in me and mold me to be the woman he made me to be.

On one hand, I look into the future and see endless opportunity for myself, in every aspect of my life. That is exciting! On the other hand, it seems an empty tunnel that I need to fill up with a life worthy of God. That's daunting! The uncertainty of my future is scary and sad. My hope lies in my faith that, if I respond and allow it, God will do an awesome work in me!