High Maintenance?

I've never considered myself high maintenance. My first serious boyfriend said I was but I didn't believe him. My husband said I am but I don't believe him either. I guess in my book, compared to other women, I just don't see it. But, I saw a glimpse of it just now.

We have a cafe on the first floor of our building. Today they had .99 cent breakfast tacos- score! I originally didn't intend to partake. But about 9:30, my stomach got the better of me and I headed down. Fully prepared for them to be wiped out. Well, they had everything except the bacon*. I seriously didn't know what to do. I could see random pieces of bacon and wanted so badly to ask the guy to dig around and give me every little scrap he had, rather than just settling for the sausage. So I stood there staring, not knowing what to do. The guy probably thinks I'm a complete nutcase. Its the same guy that was there the morning I walked in as soon as they opened and they didn't have the food put out yet and I was like 'what!? I'm starving'. Again, I really didn't know what to do. Like its his responsibility to be prepared for me. I mean, he's nice enough about it all but I know what he's thinking because I've been in his position before. Its just food, after all. But its really not. I love to eat. I love to enjoy food. I usually look forward to eating. There's nothing better than having a craving and then fulfilling it**.

Anyway, a gaggle of women I don't know came in right behind me and I succombed to the pressure and said 'I guess just give me sausage'. Like it was the worst thing ever. You know what? I barely ate half the taco. It just wasn't good. And there's almost nothing worse than having a craving and not fulfilling it**.

Whats my point? Fulfill your cravings, people! Especially you pregnant people!

Am I high maintenance? I still choose to deny it.

*I love bacon. I don't mean I like it or I enjoy it when its served to me. I LOVE bacon. When we are at home on a weekend eating breakfast and I serve bacon my husband is fully aware of the likelihood of pulling back a stump were he to attempt to steal any of my bacon.

**obviously there are better/worse things in life but it doesn't seem like it when you're in the moment, does it?

Yawn

My goodness. Work has been a big yawn fest this week. I guess there have been moments of fun, certainly but its definitely been slow. The phone is quiet, the traffic is low. It worries me. Friday will surely be a crazy day as is always the case after a slow week. Its like everyone waits until the last day of the week to try and get all the week's work done.

As a result of this lack of activity, I had to file. It is traumatic, thankyouverymuch. I have a pretty big paper cut to prove it!

I haven't done the dishes since Saturday. *gasp* We haven't really added much to it in that time so thats a plus.

I'm honestly just trying to keep my eyes open this afternoon. I could totally take a nap right now and wake up tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off and be happy.....

Condemnation

This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from Him anything we ask because we obey his commands and do what pleases Him.
1 John 3:19-22

The note from my study bible:

God is greater than our hearts. An oversensitive conscience can be quieted by the knowledge that God Himself has declared active love to be an evidence of salvation. He knows the hearts of all--whether, in spite of shortcomings, they have been born of Him.

I believe I suffer from an oversensitive conscience. I have a hard time letting go of past sins- my own and those committed against me. Why? If God says all I have to do is obey Him, what gives me the right to continue to condemn myself when I stumble? I pray that God will replace my condemnation with His love.

One of Those Days

Cloud:
I woke up late
Silver lining:
I got almost 2 hours extra sleep and got to see my son before I left

Cloud:
Its raining so the roads were slick
Silver lining:
We really needed the rain

Cloud:
Work is boring and its hard to focus
Silver lining:
At least I have a job

Cloud:
The finances are looking scary. Really scary.
Silver lining:
I'm still working on this one. I guess I can be grateful that I have things at home that I can sell to try and get some extra money to pay the ridiculously inflated credit card payment I've been surprised by. Its times like this when its extremely hard to write that tithe check, especially when it would cover the shortage. I keep telling myself to trust God. But, if we can't be trusted to be responsible with what he's given us(financially) then how can we expect him to bail us out each time?

Anyone need a sewing machine?

He tied his own shoe

all by himself. I missed it.

I am a working mother(not to imply that there are mothers who don't work- we all know motherhood is like being in every executive position in a Fortune 500 company)- what I mean is that I am a mother who has a full time outside the home job. Before having children was ever a serious consideration for me I just assumed I'd stay home with them when they were young and then go back to work once they started school. When I was pregnant I found I didn't necessarily 'want' to stay home- surely I'd go crazy trapped in a house with children all day! When I first went back to work after having my son I certainly missed him and would have rather stayed home, but I wasn't distraught by my circumstances. I simply didn't have a choice. When he was 4 mos old, I was laid off and ended up at home with him by default. During the 5 months I was home, I found that I loved it! The only problem was I couldn't continue to draw unemployment indefinitely and we simply could not live on one income. So when he was 9 mos old, God sent me the perfect job- the pay I needed, a good location, and a bona fide family friendly work place. My world was in a tail spin for months. I missed my son and was distraught that I had to leave him. I am so grateful for those 5 mos I did get to spend at home with him- it was pure joy watching him grow and learn during that time. Even though I do work I've been lucky enough to catch most of his 'firsts'- the day he crawled, the day he walked*, his first words. We've also been so blessed by the caregivers he has been with. 2 home daycares and 2 daycare centers and with each he's been loved and well cared for. So I don't want to sound ungrateful. But the bottom line is that I'm missing things and maybe they aren't super important life changing events in the long run but they are things I'm missing nonetheless.

And I can't help but feel sad.

*as far as I know I saw the first steps. I'd made a deal with his teacher at the time that they not tell me if he took any steps until I told them he'd had his first steps. What I don't know about what happened in that classroom before his first steps at home will not break my heart!

On the 6th day*....

God created the Icee. He tasted it and saw that it was good.

Can I get an 'Amen!'?

*He had to have created it on the 6th day so that he could enjoy it on the 7th day while he rested.

Seriously?

Barbie gets a poop-scoop

Toy manufacturers have created a new pet for Barbie - a dog which does toy poos.
The dog, called Tanner, is fed brown plastic “biscuits” which it then discharges from its backside.
Mattel has armed Barbie with a magnetic pooper-scoop and dustbin to clean up the mess, says the Sun.

A coworker said he saw a commercial for this so I had to check it out. All I can say is: Why?

Who Knew?

Who knew that my lunch could be the object of such interest? I suppose I leave myself open to it by eating at my desk while I work. People(the same ones of course) feel the need to come peer over my shoulder at what I'm eating while making comments on the smell and the health ramifications of what I'm eating. It irritates me, which is probably obvious or I wouldn't write about it. But, I can handle the comments, the peering. What really gets to me is the fact that they don't go away at that point. No, they hang out and seem to want to chat. Um, HELLO! I am trying to eat and I'd love to be able to eat it while its still warm which I'm not comfortable doing with you towering over me. If you've got business to address, lets talk. Otherwise, please leave me alone for just 10-15 minutes so that I enjoy my lunch.*

*This Public Service Announcement is brought to you today by Whataburger.

A Conversation with The Boy

R: when am I gonna get a sister?
M: what!?
R: I have a cousin, Jade. I want a sister, and a brother, and a tank with a dolphin.
M: really? What would you name your sister?
R: how about Carabel?
M: and your brother?
R: Zoomie?
M: how about the dolphin?
R: Wally!

There ya go!

The Holy Spirit!

Last year, after a significant life event, I started going to church again. I've always 'known' God- well, known about him I guess. But I didn't have a relationship with him. Well, last February, I began to cultivate a relationship with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. And as I did that, through personal relationships and studying the bible I began to notice this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Its that feeling, like something really great or really bad is about to happen. Only nothing significant ever happened. On the outside, anyway. Then one day a friend at church asked me to speak at one of the services. My first response was, of course, no freakin way! When I sat down to figure out what to say and started writing it down, it occured to me that the feeling in the pit of my stomach is the Holy Spirit! That was an awesome revelation. Since then, that feeling has gone away. Not that I think the Spirit necessarily left me although there are times when I haven't pursued its renewal so it was surely lacking. I'm happy to report that as of yesterday that feeling has returned! All I had to do was ask! I have been seeking and asking so much more from Him, really trying to listen to what He is telling me and asking Him to fill me with His Spirit.

He never disappoints.

Women at Work

Oy. I just loathe catty women. And believe me, I can tell when they are being catty because, yes, I've been there, done that. I almost expect it from younger women- just out of college, single, trying to prove themselves. But when you've been 'in the world' for a while, married, have a child- it just seems like at that point in your life you'd have a bigger perspective of things and be beyond it. I guess not.

I pretty much hit the job jackpot when I snagged this one. Coming off of 5 months of being at home with my baby, I didn't want to go back to work but had no choice. Right when the unemployment ran out(I had been laid off), I got this job. The pay was what I was asking and the location, not horrible. I work for a good company. Even better is the fact that I work in a specific department within the company that for the most part runs independently. We are in the same office and see and talk to other people in the company but mostly keep to ourselves. There are 10 of us, 2 women. We all get along famously. Its a very family friendly place to work and they are good about rewarding and noticing employee efforts. We enjoy quite a few perks that I would definitely miss if I worked elsewhere.

Back to my point- as a result of the structure of my department, I have limited contact with the rest of the company. There are plenty of women in the rest of the company- some that I enjoy chatting with more than others. Some I simply smile at when we pass in the hall. I guess we all tend to make initial judgments about people and I'm no different. What gets to me is when I think someone is a certain way, then I talk to them and they seem very different- in a good way, mind you. Funny, down to earth, easy to talk to, professional.

Then you hear/see something that makes you grateful you kept that relationship professional. Very dissapointing when women can't work together without having to create 'cliques' and plot against each other. I worked in a place like that once and it was horrible. I'm glad to see this from the outside of the actual situation but I feel for another coworker who is obviously the target.

Can't we all just get along?

Idolatry

From the book "The Excellent Wife":

'When something is so important to us that we sin to get it or we sin when it doesn't go well, it can be an idol in our heart.'

*ding*(thats the light bulb coming on)

Satan is a jerk

Main Entry: green
Pronunciation: 'grEn
Function: adjective

: deficient in training, knowledge, or experience b : deficient in sophistication and savoir faire : NAIVE c : not fully qualified for or experienced in a particular function

Does this feeling ever go away? Will I ever feel like I'm well versed in the bible and what it all means? I feel like very time I turn around there's something else I've been missing. Another aspect of the Christian life that I never even considered.

It's astounding to me how predictable the devil is. He tells me the same lies over and over- the same ones he's been telling others for centuries! I read about the lies he's told others. They're the SAME ONES! So why do I continue to fall for them? And then want to beat myself up for falling for them- he loves that. jerk. It really makes me angry that he knows my weak spots and exploits them. I'd love to take a shovel to that snake! Thats how my daddy used to kill chicken snakes- cut off their heads! So, maybe from now on when I struggle with the devil's lies I'll picture myself cutting his head off with a shovel.

Word of the Day

luposlipaphobia:


The fear of being pursued by timber wolves around a kitchen table whilst wearing socks on a newly waxed floor.

This made me laugh out loud. I almost sprayed ice across my desk!

We're Bleeding Money

Do you know that feeling?

If its not one thing, its another. Things you talk about needing to do but decide you can't afford and then suddenly you just don't have a choice. I'm feeling some anxiety, obviously. However- we will choose, in this time of financial struggle, to do what we need to do and trust that God is going to cover us. We are heading into a time of transition, especially for Matt and his work and its exciting and completely heart stoppingly scary at the same time. Like the movie Armageddon, when the guy is in the shuttle getting ready for take off and he's talking about being 85% scared, 15% excited, or is it 85% excited, 15% scared? Thats me! Except I'm prettier than him. ;-)