Maybe I'm confused about how marriage is supposed to be, but I don't think so. After God, shouldn't your spouse come next? Shouldn't that person be your priority? I can admit that I don't always manage to accomplish making my husband my priority but I think I try. Its hard to make someone a priority to you when they hurt you continually. And being so obviously NOT a priority just piles on more hurt. Everyone else's needs are more important. I understand wanting to help people, I do. And if there's a way to help other people I'm all for it! But not at the expense of my family.
Some days I just try to protect myself for another day.
Some days I try to make it better.
Some days I just can't manage to do either. I just exist.
I ask God for help, for wisdom to do the right thing. But what is my motivation? Is it to glorify Him or just for the pain to stop?
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I think you have a perfect understanding of family. I think others don't grasp it because they have never seen it displayed to them.
I pray that you can lean into God and not worry about why you are doing it. I am sure if the pain stops, it would be to His glory.
I love you.
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