He tied his own shoe

all by himself. I missed it.

I am a working mother(not to imply that there are mothers who don't work- we all know motherhood is like being in every executive position in a Fortune 500 company)- what I mean is that I am a mother who has a full time outside the home job. Before having children was ever a serious consideration for me I just assumed I'd stay home with them when they were young and then go back to work once they started school. When I was pregnant I found I didn't necessarily 'want' to stay home- surely I'd go crazy trapped in a house with children all day! When I first went back to work after having my son I certainly missed him and would have rather stayed home, but I wasn't distraught by my circumstances. I simply didn't have a choice. When he was 4 mos old, I was laid off and ended up at home with him by default. During the 5 months I was home, I found that I loved it! The only problem was I couldn't continue to draw unemployment indefinitely and we simply could not live on one income. So when he was 9 mos old, God sent me the perfect job- the pay I needed, a good location, and a bona fide family friendly work place. My world was in a tail spin for months. I missed my son and was distraught that I had to leave him. I am so grateful for those 5 mos I did get to spend at home with him- it was pure joy watching him grow and learn during that time. Even though I do work I've been lucky enough to catch most of his 'firsts'- the day he crawled, the day he walked*, his first words. We've also been so blessed by the caregivers he has been with. 2 home daycares and 2 daycare centers and with each he's been loved and well cared for. So I don't want to sound ungrateful. But the bottom line is that I'm missing things and maybe they aren't super important life changing events in the long run but they are things I'm missing nonetheless.

And I can't help but feel sad.

*as far as I know I saw the first steps. I'd made a deal with his teacher at the time that they not tell me if he took any steps until I told them he'd had his first steps. What I don't know about what happened in that classroom before his first steps at home will not break my heart!